===== Great truths that little children have learned =====

  - No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
  - When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
  - If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  - Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
  - You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
  - Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  - Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
  - You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  - Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
  - The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.


===== Great truths that adults have learned =====

  - Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
  - Wrinkles don’t hurt you.
  - Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
  - Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
  - Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
  - Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.

===== Great truths that old people have learned =====

  - Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
  - Forget about the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
  - When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
  - You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  - It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  - Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
  - Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


===== The four stages of life =====

  - You believe in Santa Claus.
  - You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
  - You are Santa Claus.
  - You look like Santa Claus.


===== Success? =====

  * At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.
  * At age 12 success is...having friends.
  * At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.
  * At age 20 success is...having sex.
  * At age 35 success is...having money.
  * At age 50 success is...having money.
  * At age 60 success is...having sex.
  * At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.
  * At age 75 success is...having friends.
  * At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way BUT never forget to remember the blessings that come each day!